I woke up this morning to get the boys ready for school. I called both of them to get up and headed downstairs, like most days. I saw a person laying on the couch and just figured it was DH. I called to him twice because I thought he was supposed to be leaving this morning for a business trip. I didn't enter the room but from the doorway I realized that it might not be DH laying there. I went back upstairs and asked one of the boys to go get a closer look at this person. I didn't see DH so I had no idea what was going on. Turns out that the person on the couch was a guy DH works with and had taken a day trip to Indianapolis with on Wednesday. Good grief - this guy almost saw me in my nightshirt and goofy slippers with my hair looking like a total rat's nest!! What was my DH thinking?? While I was getting dressed, one of the boys found DH fast asleep in the basement. And he didn't want to wake up. Meanwhile, I'm racing to get dressed so I can get lunch money and meds taken care of. I went to the basement - where it smelled disgusting - and roused the sleeping DH and told him to get up, that there was someone asleep on the couch. He obviously had drank to much the night before - both of them - and they were sleeping off the effects. DH got up and went upstairs - I thought he would tell the guy to get up and leave or whatever; but he left him there. I was PO'd to say the least. After the kids left for school, I went to the basement to watch TV until this guy left and figured out that the funny smell was because DH had gotten sick =( He apparently tried to clean it up but the smell lingered. I sprayed an air freshener and turned on the TV. After a couple of hours, I went back upstairs and DH is asleep on the couch - the guy had apparently left. I started a roast in the crockpot which must have woken DH up - when I passed by his office he was sitting in there. I asked him how much he had drunk the night before in order to get sick. He tried to tell me he ate a bad burger. Yeah, right. I told him don't even bother. I'm tired of being lied to and it hurts that he finds it so easy to lie to me.
Thus begins the circle of abuse my therapist and I talk about. Phase 1 - the tension building, Phase 2 - the incident, Phase 3 - reconciliation (of sorts) and finally Phase 4 - a calm, the incident is "forgotten"; thus leading back to Phase 1 and the circle begins again. My therapist and I talk about this often - at least every other visit. I just keep hoping it will change. DH "apologizes", I regretfully accept and begin to let my guard down, and them Bam! - he's doing it again. How does he expect me to trust him when he is constantly proving to me that he can't be trusted?
My biggest fear is that he will be in an accident and either hurt or kill himself - or someone else. There has been more than once that he has had to either take a taxi home or get a ride because he has had too much to drink. Last night I don't think either DH or this guy should have been driving. It's not responsible and it's not teaching our kids to be responsible.
I'm not sure how I will handle this. My sleep cycle is off, again. I am starting to have weird dreams, again. I don't want to end up taking meds to keep me awake and then meds to help me sleep. I did that and didn't like it. I just want a normal life.
10 comments:
((((Hugs)))) I'm sorry this is happening. As I mentioned last time we shopped, I'm not big on offering this type of advice, since I don't know the entire situation, but let me know if you want to chat - I'm a good listener. Or I can distract you with little boy stories. (((Hugs)))
(((((hugs)))))) Tammy, I'm so sorry. Sounds like he won't see the changes that need to be made unless they are done for him or he gets hurt. How scary.
I wish I had better advice or were closer to help you.
If there is anything i can do, please let me know. ((((((((hugs)))))))
Good news about staying in one school, what a great accomplishment. I hope he continues to prosper. You must be so proud. :~)
Tammy, I am so sorry you are having all these problems. I really hope you find direction soon on what you need to do. {{{{hugs}}}}
((HUGS)) I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you!
Tammy, remeber when you told me I deserved better. I know exactly what you are talking about. If you need to talk I will listen. But most of all do not blame yourself for this he needs to get help. And the sad thing is they think they are doing no wrong. Good luck
I hope one day a light bulb will click and he realizes what turmoil he brings his family. Dave can be a great guy, but unfortunely he has a problem that needs to be address. Not by you going to get help alone. He needs to get help too. It takes two get this under control. Him to realize the problem and you to back him up in getting help. Hopefully he gets the help and you both can get back to living your lifes in a happy hormonous way.
Love you both,
Trina
OMGosh, are you me?? I think we are living an almost similar life! ~wish I had words of wisdom, but I don't!
hang in there and whenever you feel "alone" think of me ;) {{hugs}}
I tried to leave a comment last Friday with no such luck.. so here I go again. I am so sorry about the dh & his friend. I don't really get why he drives home. One of these days it will bite him in the a$$. It's easy for me to say this & that sitting here in my world with no problem like that.. so all I want to say is . you have many people that are "here" for you & I hope you will continue to use those shoulders & seek help for yourself & your kids. Love ya & I think of you often. I wish we chatted more.. but I hey0 life is life & seems it keeps us on a differant path. Keep the faith.
Good news on Brian.. nice that school is going well for him.
Hey sweet sis!!
Well, you and I have talked about the DH quite a few times! LOL! He knows exactly what he's doing! I know an ultimatum is NOT ideal, but until HE changes, then nothing else will! YKWIM? I can't believe you handled that so calmly. I would not have been able to do that! LOL!
((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) sweetie!!!
Laura
((HUGS))
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